Pain can do funny things to people. When we say “This pain is driving me mad,” we may be nearer the truth than we think. Pain clouds the mind and hampers judgement. It can even interfere with actions that should be automatic.
It is no secret that I have been suffering since a foot operation six months ago. Recuperation has taken three times as long as anticipated and my general practitioner didn’t help by accidentally re-breaking the bone during an examination; neither did jiggering my pelvis due to being in an orthopaedic boot for so long.
I do not offer that, however, as an excuse for ignoring my own advice and failing to practice what I preach (and what I normally do as a matter of course).
I have said many times that Spirit (your Higher Self, the Universe, your God/dess whatever you wish to call it) speaks to you in as many ways as you are capable of seeing, hearing or feeling. It is up to you to be open to these messages. If you ignore them, Spirit will boot you up the backside until you DO take notice, which is what happened to me yesterday.
We are away in the caravan because my husband thought a short holiday would do me good. In the morning when the Old Feller was over at the washblock I broke down. I burst into tears and screamed for the Goddess and the Horned Lord to help me. I acknowledged that I could do no more. I was at the end of my rope.
Almost immediately, the pain diminished and I was told quite clearly that I am a stubborn, stupid woman who insists on trying to go it alone, never asking for help when I plainly need it. The relief was unbelievable. I gave thanks and humbly agreed that I am a pig-headed old bird.
Later in the day we tried to visit a château which, it being out of season, was closed but to my delight, its small chapel now served as the village church so I went in. You will by now be familiar with my attitude to all deities being pretty much inter-changeable, so not surprised by the fact that I went in for a chat with the blue-and-white Lady as opposed to the Green Lady, who is, of course, the same person. I apologised for my blinkered and stubborn attitude and asked, as I did at my ordination, for my feet to be guided on the right path to my higher self.
The donkey who lives near the campsite is a very vocal beast and up to last night he had sung “Haw hi haw he haw” (well he is a French donkey, after all) but suddenly as we walked the dogs I heard him shout “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee haw, Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee haw” and it immediately brought to mind the Adam Ant song, Prince Charming. This starts with almost exactly that call before the guitar solo and I remembered the words “Ridicule is nothing to be scared of…” and laughed out loud. I stood by the swamp here that reminds us of the Louisiana bayous and I chortled at how utterly stupid I really am.
Twice that day I had got affronted because I suffer from reverse racism. Because I’m white people find it necessary to insist, when I say that I’m a French national, that I have an accent, something they wouldn’t dream of doing if I were any other colour. So when I keep getting “No, but where are you from REALLY?” as if I were lying, I get more than a bit hot under the collar.
The message last night was – does it really matter? You know who you are and you should be doing your best to be YOU and damn what anyone else thinks. Be the best you that you can possibly be – even if it means to admitting that you have an accent.
Ridicule is nothing to be scared of … Thank you, Spirit, you have made my life immensely easier…and I promise that in the future I will remember that help can come in anything you see, hear, read or feel!