Several things have come together today to make me realise this. The first is that I am a very impatient person. I want to get things done now. The neurologist asking if I were impulsive made me reflect on that. Impulsive/impatient – maybe they are the same thing.
Wanting to recover from an illness or operation is natural but I am a terrible one for wanting to run before I can walk, literally. My dear, wise Aunt Mu says that Convalescent Homes were the very best idea and it is a disaster that people get shoved out of hospital as soon as humanly possible now. She was a nurse and health visitor and says that not enough importance is given to allowing patients’ minds and bodies to fully recover. Hah ! Patient – says it all, doesn’t it ?
So today I woke up thinking I was feeling much better but that was probably just because the sun is out and it feels like Spring is here. I wanted to do it all. One unexpected
visitor with an unpleasant problem has knocked me sideways. I am now wobbly as hell, can’t see properly and have a headache that could explode at any moment. I have to accept that I am not that much better.
Pondering this has also made me think that more than half my bloopers with other people are down to impatience. It’s an inability to count to ten (or twenty or a hundred) before replying which at times ends up in a dispute and people blocking each other. This is a terrible shame. Discussing it with a friend, we agreed that while we feel justified and pompous for about an hour or so, we start to feel bad about it just afterwards and wish we hadn’t been so impulsive.
So to anyone who has suffered because of my impatience or impulsiveness, I apologise. Along with trying to fix whatever else is wrong with me, I am working on deep breaths, zen attitude and not snapping at people. Please pass this on to anyone who has blocked me because I cannot count high enough before giving my opinions.