If you have followed this blog for any length of time you will know two things – I am allergic to housework and I’m a shaman. I believe that everything has a spirit. Following a four-day Mexican stand-off with my vacuum cleaner during my husband’s absence for a family do in the UK, I finally decided to put shamanism into practice and coax the spirit of the machine. When you have picked yourself up off the floor from laughing, ask yourself when you last spoke/shouted/swore at your computer, expecting it to have an effect – not quite so nuts, eh?
So first off I realised it needed a bag…or something, but I had no idea where they live. I asked the machine which sighed and pointed me in the direction of where it lives and oh yes, there they were. So I asked it to co-operate and between us we fiddled and farted around getting a new dust-bag in even if bits of cardboard did fly in all directions.
Noticing that his name is Bosch I laughed because that was the French nickname for the Nazis during World War II so I decided to spirit link by singing with him (he is a male by the way … think about it). I often use song to link in with objects, trees etc. Not knowing the words to the national anthem I decided to sing the hymn that was banned in British churches (oh yes, hymns can offend your God, can they?) and Boshy seemed to like it… sung to the tune of the German Anthem.
He even showed me how to remove what must have been a rather painful blockage in his ureter (or what would be a ureter in a human) so I poked it with an ash stick and we got the lumps out and after that things went swimmingly. To the point where I offered to give him a nice rub over with a damp cloth because he was looking a bit dusty and it can’t be much fun having people tread on bits of you with their feet all the time, even if your designer intended it that way.
Yes, he has a spirit. We have clicked. He does not like being called a “hoover” because he isn’t. He’s Boshie. (Bolshie when in a bad mood).
So if you ever come to the Bingergread Cottage and hear me giving out this hymn full-operatic, you’ll know that I’m doing the floors, with Boshie trailing along behind, gobbling up the dirt.