Progress Report

Agent M/T FR70/ may2015/24                  Assignment – ABRAHAM

General observations.

2015-07-25 14.52.27I am thinking of filing a complaint directly to Head Office as there has clearly been a mistake in the despatch office. While I accept I volunteered to go out on this job while far too young and the female I was attached to was experienced in weaning kittens, these two are not a novice assignment.

I specifically requested no canines. What do I find? A very confused creature who shares my space. While morphologically resembling a canine, her brain is totally human with cross-patterning of other species. She was unable to distinguish me from one of her own litter despite being neutered and immediately offered me a useless teat to suck. This caused the human female to make very distressing noises.

One good point being that the canine is so stupid she accepts my “disgorge throat and disembowel” practice as play. She even joins in while being careful not to hurt me. Thus far I have not had to retaliate at all. This seems to make both humans very pleased.


No complaints in this department as I quickly trained them to offer me special fish biscuits whenever I appear to comply with their wishes. This also helps me to reinforce reward-training as when they distribute the treats I allow them to stroke me. Amazing how much humans will do for a purr and “eye-squeeze” which they refer to as a “smile” and imitate in return. It is endearing if somewhat tedious.

2015-07-25 11.56.32Male subject

Large and obviously an alpha in his own species, this one is proving stubborn. He insists on acting as if he is pack-leader, not realising that I am not a pack animal and his antics of yowling and stamping his paws only amuse me. I will admit to occasionally doing things I know will infuriate him, like entering his private territory, for the sheer fun of watching him explode and then melt into tickling when I rub his paw.

Female subject2015-07-25 11.57.11

This one also has an over-developed maternal instinct although pheromones tell me she is sterile. She seems to grasp the psychology of the situation and plays along with it, accepting that I am now ruler of this abode and also finding the antics of her mate amusing. I am finding it difficult, however, to break her of the habit of picking me up and clutching me to her chest. I am working on throwing myself at her feet and “smiling” to encourage her to stroke me on the floor rather than suspend me in mid air. This may work


It could be a lot worse. The male is not bad Alpha material and provides well, if I were a pack animal I would have no hesitation in accepting him as my Number Two. He led an expedition away in the house on wheels which caused me much hilarity and gave me the opportunity to climb trees of various different species. He has responded well to giving me freedom to roam but still believes I come to the high pitched noise he makes by pursing his lips. I don’t, of course, but reward him with an appropriate reaction now and again to keep him alert.

I will continue my assignment to feline-ize this pair as they do very well on the comfort and non-disturbance routine. I have my own armchair which the female vacated for me and as she is a writer I can “borrow” her brain to file my reports. (see photo above)

Report EndsPiston hungry

5 thoughts on “Progress Report

    1. Thank you both. Simian I have heard much of – respects to you, I think you outweigh them in intelligence and the female Olga is purred over in the home. If these are the best of the lot, I will admit that it could be a great deal worse.
      Feline now known as Piston/Pee-po/Fekincat and Tadpole (their brains are very disorganized)

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