I re-read my post “Journeying” and started to laugh myself silly. I am constantly amazed by my ability to ignore my own advice and teachings I have known for years. One of the biggest “fossilized faults” in my practice is flinging questions out into the Universe like an automatic tennis ball launcher and failing to notice when they are returned. Usually I am brought up with a round-turn when one of them whacks me squarely on the back of the head, leaving me cartoon-like, going “Where dat come from?” with stars spinning above my head.
Look at some quotations from Journeying with explanations and you will understand.
trying to get my head on straight is proving too much for one Crone.
Things are a bit cluttered in my mind
A lot is going on in my life at the moment
See? All disorganisation and untidiness…all descriptions that could so match a house. Several answers have come to me which ganged up this morning like a siege engine and hurled a whacking great rock at me.
Ever seen the TV programme “Hoarders?” It is both fascinating and disgusting at the same time and for anyone with a modicum of compassion, rather heartbreaking. It is about people who have let their obsessions with goods take over, usually to replace something missing in their lives and whose houses have become infested, insanitary, unsafe places that are usually faced with local government eviction. Often, concerned relatives call in psychologists and house-clearing specialists to get the job done before the deadline.
Having spent an afternoon talking with a friend about moving houses I dreamt that night that I had the choice of two. I was also moving and for the same price could have a large farmhouse not dissimilar to this one or a much smaller farm cottage. I decided that I didn’t need all that room and it would be much better to take the smaller one and downsize, get rid of unwanted clutter and start afresh.
Are you following me?
Talking to someone I know I heard “I don’t do guilt. If I’m wrong I say sorry and put it right. But I don’t do guilt.” My chin hit the table. For someone brought up by an Episcopalian who’d teach the Pope a few things about guilt, repentance and confession (plus eternal suffering) this was heresy. How could one live without guilt? It was part of the soul, wasn’t it?
Oooooooooooooo – perhaps that could be the first thing to go in the dumpster – my guilt trip.
I had already done it again. I had asked my questions, journeyed and got some instant answers from very wise folk. However, I had forgotten to ask, stop and listen because answers come from everywhere. Overheard conversations on public transport, TV, radio, books (the more unlikely the better) and things seen in passing. Watching Nature is good – we all know that. Why can’t I be like that little bird just taking life as it is? Well because he is a bird and I’m not. That is a question, not an answer.
Soooooooooooooo – my answers are starting to come to me. I just have to keep listening and looking left, right and left again (remember I’m in mainland Europe!) and I know they will come.
My head is stuffed with rubbish I have collected over the years with which I will never do anything useful. I am a head-hoarder. I don’t know what I am replacing (maybe a job) but that is something I can start by clearing out of my house. Guilt is gone, fresh flowers on the table are a stronger belief in self (always nice to change the flowers).
Remember the rules – Ask, Look and LISTEN you idiot….or you won’t hear the answers!