Nanny Ab here and I am not very happy, as you can see from the photo. In fact, I’m furious. While I doesn’t mind being Herself’s alter-ego for memoires, at my age I’m well past being a bodyguard, minder and permanently riding shot-gun to protect Her from Badger’s whims.
You would think, with Missy preparing to celebrate her 60th birthday that a small amount of wisdom might have crept in… but NO!
Some of you expressed concern when the Gruesome Twosome decided to hop it to Slovenia in the middle of the immigrant fiasco. Ooo a dangerous zone, let’s go huh? Well I was one of them. You may remember sunny pictures of Missy kissing slow worms and breakfasting in her dressing gown but I was listening to the radio. With every day, another border, frontier or pass was closed.
Then I inspected the ground. Yup! Caravan AND Myfanwe well and truly stuck in the mud. If we didn’t move quickly it would take more than a tractor to pull us out. Trouble is, Badger can’t see or hear me. Only She can, so I am reduced to bellowing in her ear and hoping she can convince Brain of Bristol to listen.
In our long history of travelling there is only one one country where Missy was particularly unhappy. Oh she is a miserable bitch a lot of the time but in That Country (I won’t say where cos some of Her friends like it) she was permanently pissed off. That is my job and I take it seriously.
First her old dog Gubby and the Badger were held hostage in a restaurant while she was sent to find a bank and get money out because they didn’t take cards. Everywhere someone was holding out their hand for a tip. Even on the campsite where they paid to stay, the man on the gate wanted a tip until I jumped out, opened it myself and offered to arm wrestle him for the right to do so. Missy had already been reasonable and told him we paid to be on the campsite which should include the gate (not easy when you don’t speak the language). It was time for me to adopt the Valkyrie pose above.
Small children throwing stones at ducklings got her so mad that both of us went and threw stones at the kids to see if they liked it. The parents kept their distance and shouted so we picked up some more stones and offered to play but they called their horrible brats away. This didn’t improve our opinion of the nation.
So… why am I telling you this? Because Badger wants to go back and see the “other side” (the east) of it. Herself has mentioned that she wasn’t keen and would happily stay home with the cat while dog and bloke go adventuring. She doesn’t want to go because this time the pair of us may well end up in the cells for taking a pop at someone. I don’t care if it’s YOUR culture, mate. Around here if someone sticks out their paw, we shake it. End of and that is what I will do. If they stick it out again I might try “Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear” but after that………… it’s war. No tips, no smiles, no explanations. Nanny Ab has spoken!