I get a lot of inspiration from FB and this week it has all been on the above theme. I think I shocked a few people when I answered one of those silly questionnaires which included:

How many pregnancies ? (in my case 3) and How many children? (none)

Most people know I have no kids but didn’t know about my foray into IVF, not something I would advise people to enter into lightly because it is painful and heartbreaking when it doesn’t work. However, my maternal time bomb was ticking and having suffered problems “down below” all my life it was the only answer.

So three viable embryos were implanted but none “took”. Yes I was upset. I worried about three wee souls drifting around wondering where their mummy was. I hope they stayed together and finally went to good homes. I also donated more viable eggs for other women to use so maybe someone is a mother out there who wouldn’t have been without my donation.

You will also know that I find something good in most things and I suddenly felt liberated. The thought struck me – if I am not to have children of my own, a limited number to worry about, then I am free to be everyone’s mum!  

I can now adopt any waif or stray I like – they are mine, the gods gave them to me. My babies. I adopt people but mainly adults because grown-ups who are in need of mother-love are damaged and need careful handling. Sometimes I can give them back the childhood they wish they had experienced. Sometimes just reading them a story, turning the book to show the pictures is a huge relief to both of us. Whatever! I’ll do it because I’m their pretend mum.

Family is love, not blood ties. Of that I am sure and certain. chimp-feeding-tiger-cub

10 thoughts on “Family

  1. I was touched by your blog post.
    You probably know I had 8 miscarriages, a still birth, then a successful pregnancy (my daughter) then I lost my sons twin. I didn’t have IVF as my problem was an immune one and keeping them without my body rejecting them. What hurt me as much as the losses was words uttered by people who opened mouth before engaging gear!
    I can’t bear to see a mother lose a baby, either by war, accident, murder, nature.. that’s any mother, be it human, animal or bird. I want to protect them all.
    I know how good and motherly you are from experience. keep on being you Ailsa. Love you lots.

    1. Awwwwww – I hope your babies met up with my babies and they could play together doing embryo cloud-bumper car games xxx I am as the gods made me – can’t change and don’t really want to. Bless you and be strong. People don’t think. Feel sorry for them, they haven’t felt as much pain as we have so don’t know xxxxxxxxx

  2. Sad to hear, Ailsa, but pleased you made peace with the fact and I’m sure all the babies (grown up and younger, two feet and four) you’ve adopted are very grateful for our mothering. Take care and thanks for sharing.

    1. Thank you Olga, darling. It’s not a sadness to me any more. I am sure my babies ended up somewhere nice. Maybe they are playing near the Rainbow Bridge and I’ll get to find them again when I pick up all my animal friends who have passed over it.

  3. You’re an incredible woman, Ailsa, and this is such a brave and moving post. I too lost 3 children. It’s a devastating thing to go through. Thank you for sharing – I’m sure this post has helped a lot of people

    1. Bless you. I’m just an ordinary woman who has been through the same kinds of hell as many others. I’m just blessed that I can find a “silver lining” somewhere if I look hard enough. If my posts help anyone feel less alone then I am very happy.
      Think of these posts as an on-line hug.

  4. You have a beautiful soul Ailsa, and this post touched me enormously. I’ve lost a lot of babies before their time, but I am also blessed with ones who made the journey on earth. Much love to you, always xxx

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