In my beginning…

… is my end (T.S. Elliott)


I wasn’t going to make a big song and dance about my recent dementia diagnosis but everyone has been so very kind and lovely that I had to write a BIG thank you note.

In case anyone missed it, my brain is deteriorating rapidly and my last MRI scan showed the results normally associated with an 80-year-old. This is only going to get worse and my time left is limited. Details – the blood vessels in my brain are getting very thin indeed and so the chances of a major stroke or heart failure get higher and higher.

I’ve had post-stroke symptoms for some time. You may remember where I told you that at my last MRI in 2014, the specialist and I couldn’t decide if I was post-stroke or early Multiple Sclerosis and we almost tossed a coin for it. At least now I know it isn’t MS. I will become progressively more clumsy, disorientated, forgetful, and incapable. That’s OK, I’m used to it by now.

The only time I got scared was when my darling GP said “WHEN you have to go into the “Home” in Champlitte” rather than “if”. It’s a geriatric facility and although I know most of the people in there now, chances are they won’t recognise me. No, sorry, I’m not going in there.

When the time comes, and I will know when it does, I shall go home to Narnia. I know I will because Aslan has promised me. I’ve done my best to turn my lil village into a Narnia so one day I shall go back there.

AilsaonbikeI have lived my life knowing I won’t make old bones and doing nothing at all to prevent that prediction. I smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish and accepted every dangerous bet made to me. I’ve flown planes, ridden motorbikes, abseiled, wind-surfed, competed in three-day events (horses) and generally done all I can to get dropped on my head. It started at the age of 15 when I when feet first down a cliff, landed on a rock, buggered my spine and fractured my skull which all resulted in a three-day coma which was good practice for the three-week one I had after my last serious motorbike accident, where, of course, I also landed on my head.

I will be reaping as I sowed and…know what? It’s fine. I could have been careful and good, not lived aboard a boat or chased my dreams around the world but it wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun, I wouldn’t have learned as much and therefore…I have no regrets. I’ll leave as I’ve lived, maybe not a Hell’s Angel anymore but one helluva Hell’s Granny.


26 thoughts on “In my beginning…

  1. A life lived without regrets and making your own choices. Sounds good to me. Let’s hope there’s plenty more to come and can prove everybody wrong as usual. Big hugs, Ailsa.

  2. So tempted not to click the ‘Like’ button this time. I expect you to prove that diagnoses can be in error so that you’re still writing humorous things when my time comes and I can go with a smile.
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  3. Just love the sentiments you have expressed her, it’s your life, you live it as you want, nobody can tell you otherwise, I admire you so much and would love to think I would react the same if it was me, in my opinion, positive energy towards what life throws at us can only be a good thing and has to help us on whatever path we take, love your blog, don’t often comment, doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your words.

  4. Thanks, everyone. Yes, I fully intend to make the most of the time I have. As a vet nurse, I don’t advocate prolonging life just because it is still there. It is QUALITY of life that counts. When I no longer wag my tail, go for walks or enjoy chasing a toy it will be time to put me to sleep.
    Please don’t praise me for my reactions here, they are the only way I can react – be me. Now, let’s not talk about miseries any more and get on with really having fun til the party ends xxxx

  5. I think you live more in a year than some do in a lifetime…I only wish it could go on for a few more decades. So sorry, Ailsa. Narnia will be wonderful. Wave at the centaurs for me.

  6. Lovely post. My mum has dementia, so I’m familiar with the progress. It will come to us all in some form! A fellow biker wishes you a gloriously disgraceful last ride into that kind sunset. x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.