Here I am back from my usual three-year drama-trauma hospitalization. Neither I nor the specialists have any idea how or why it happened but I suddenly had a “cardiac incident” which isn’t a heart attack but rather unpleasant. My blood pressure and pulse went through the roof causing oxygen deficiency in my brain, which, you may remember is in a fragile state anyway. You have probably heard of these because the actress Carrie Fisher, of Star Wars Fame, suffered one on an aircraft just before dying of a more serious heart attack.
I was rushed to intensive care where I stayed for two days going in and out of consciousness when not throwing my guts up. I think my heart tried to stop once because I remember being woken from a near-coma by what felt like two large men kicking me in the chest – that was the electric shock treatment. The red marks are going to take as long to fade as the innumerable bruises from where I was punctured for drips, canulae etc.
On day three I was moved to the cardiology unit. As Badger had been sent home under instructions to take all my stuff with him, I had no clothes, money, phone or any other possessions so I couldn’t arrange for the telephone by my bed to be switched on, buy a cup of coffee, etc. Me??? Three days without coffee!
The situation got worse today when I was initially told to inform my husband to pick me up at 7pm to take me home. The very young doctor then came back and told me they needed the bed so they would be calling me a taxi. I wasn’t very keen on travelling home in a surgical gown with no shoes so I phoned him again to ask him nicely if he could drop everything and come NOW. He very kindly agreed but the route to that hospital can take two hours on a bad day.
I did a Nanny Ab and lost it when Mr Newly-Qualified and Slightly Lower than God came back and said – you know you need an operation? Well as you are here, we’ll keep you in and do it tomorrow. NO. You won’t. I’ve already disrupted my partner’s day twice today on your instructions and I’m not doing it again.
Oh, he said, there is a risk if you don’t have the heart ablation . Yes, I agreed but it is nothing to the risk of telling my Old Feller that he has dropped everything and driven for four hours for no good reason because you have changed your mind. You face him and tell him if you feel brave but I’ve done my attempt at death for this week, ta muchly. I’ll take my chances with the heart condition and you can call me back for the op later, as you originally suggested.
Of course, when Badger did arrive, Young and Useless kept us waiting for the papers we needed so he had both of us to face so he came in with a more senior doctor to hide behind. Most of my family and a lot of my good friends are medical bods and I don’t subscribe to this “Kindly call me God” attitude – you are a mechanic who mends human beings, nothing more, nothing less. And don’t talk down to Nanny Ab or you will get told what she eats for breakfast – usually overconfident young men.
So I’m home now and thanks to everyone who sent good wishes. I’ll rest up for a day or so and go to see my dear Seb, the GP in whom I have far more confidence than the cardiologist. If he says the operation to kickstart my heart with electrics from the inside is necessary, I’ll do it.
I’m also going to be on thyroid pills as this incident could be down to hypothyroid. Eh well – the brain is going and the heart is in the same Trades’Union so what can we expect?
I’m still here and still smiling. Tell you what, though – if you are planning on going, don’t choose a heart problem, they bloody hurt! More soon xxxx