You probably all know that I have been going through a bad time with my health, just one damn thing after another, which has (unsurprisingly) left me anxious and depressed.
Other things in my life aren’t brilliant but it’s hard to be objective when alternately trying to die or vomiting enough to turn oneself inside out. I thought about running away. I felt sorry for myself. Everyone on-line was wonderfully supportive but I couldn’t get to the place I go for the most sage advice – down by the riverside (sing along if you like).
The river is where I did my solo Crone ceremony and is a very central place in my magic. Uncle Walnut lives there and he dispenses great wisdom while tapping me on the head with the end of a branch and calling me “Twiglet”. I sing for him as that is a gift of carbon dioxide which trees love.
Before I even got to him today, the fish ganged up on me. The trout are my friends as I don’t eat them and I always warn them when “men with sticks” are coming and splash the water to make them go and hide. One huge trout was swimming downstream with a friend and asked me “Why aren’t you just enjoying your water? Are you in any imminent danger?”
I had to admit that I wasn’t but they demonstrated how to flee and hide under the banks if I were. Point taken. Enjoy your water, swim happily and be aware if there is danger you can get out of the blasted way rather than fight and get hurt.
Just a few steps up the path I notice an enormous number of smaller trout were swimming around together playing a form of piscean tag and they said “You really don’t know how big your shoal is, do you?” I thought about this and understood – so many people really DO care about me that I am in a virtual shoal with whom I can play and enjoy my water all the time rather than splashing about in a dirty pond of self-pity.
Uncle Walnut let me lean on him and for the first time I heard HIM sing. He being a basso profundo, after a few bars I could then harmonise two octaves up and we really enjoyed it. I let my fingers linger on his bark and he told me I couldn’t leave the village, it had chosen me, I am the village’s property. I can go away and bring back head-images of other places and feelings of the spirit of other bits of country I have seen…but 14 years ago this village chose me as its shaman and I belong here.
So that has me decided. I will play in the water, enjoy the sun, talk to my friends both here and on line and not think about tomorrow. If storms come, they always go again. If you are cut down, they cannot destroy you – even your ash goes back to the earth to grow again. What is there to fear?
Smiling hugely and thanking them all I took Lily back down the path, being extra generous with bikkies when a tiny dragon disguised as a lizard coughed politely so that I only just noticed him before he shot down a crack in a wall. Another message – running away but staying here is always possible if you know how.
Thank you my friends. Thanks to YOU on line and thanks to my spirit friends here. I feel a heap better. xxxx